Being a Mum

A Mum

2010-04-11T21:15:00.000-07:00

Please note, the following story is not my original. I received this story in one of those emails that does the rounds. I don't know where it originated but I do think that its a pretty good story. I hope that I haven't offended anyone in terms of copyright and, if I have, I apologise in advance.

"A woman, renewing her driver's licence at the local licencing office, was asked by the clerk to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the clerk, "do you have a job or are you just a .... ?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman, "I''m a mum."

"We don't list 'Mum' as an occupation: 'housewife' covers it," said the clerk emphatically.

I forgot all about this story until one day I found myself in the same situation at our local licencing office. The clerk was obviously set on a career. She was poised, confident, and a little intimidating. "What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it? I don't know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of child development and human relations."

The clerk paused: fingers frozen over the keyboard; and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly emphasising the most significant words. Then I stared in wonder as my pronouncement was input in bold, black type on the official record.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said 'indoors and out'). I'm working for my Master's (first the kids and then the whole family) and already have 4 credits (all daughters). Of course the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it!). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of satisfaction rather than just money.

There was an increased note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form and we parted.

As I drove into our driveway, bouyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7 and 3. In the bedroom I could hear our new experimental model (a 6 month old baby) in the child development program testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another housewife".

Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door!

Please let me know what you think of this. Click on the "feedback" tag below.

More information about me and how I may be able to help you at http://www.angelalong.com.au/

Coping with a newborn and a toddler or young child

2010-04-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

If you already have one child, when you arrive home after giving birth to the next child there can be some tensions in meeting the demands of both children. Many mums wonder how they will cope.

There are some issues that need to be addressed.

Sometimes the younger child can feel insecure because, having been the centre of attention, he or she is now sharing that attention. The underlying fear is that they have been replaced and won't get any attention now.

It is important to make them feel special.

Get him or her involved by letting them help you. In my experience they love helping mummy by getting the bath ready for baby and/or by helping mummy get the baby's clothes ready for when baby has had a bath. Try to involve them in as many things as possible when you are caring for the new bub.

And when baby is asleep, try to give your older child some special attention. I found that one-on-one activities like doing a puzzle or playing some special game was always appreciated.

You know that they both need your love and attention. They know it too. The important thing is to make sure the older child really experiences those things that show him or her just how special they still are.

For more information about me and how I may be able to help you, see http://www.angelalong.com.au

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Post Natal Depression

2010-03-20T21:27:00.000-07:00

As I said in my last blog, some form of anxiety affects approximately 80% of all mothers in the weeks leading up to or following giving birth. According to Beyond Blue (http://www.beyondblue.org.au), one in 10 mothers experiences antenatal depression and 7 out of 10 mothers experience postnatal depression (which is why a far more appropriate term is "perinatal depression".) For some this gradually develops: for others it happens very suddenly and without apparent warning.

Various authorities nominate indicators that you should look out for including:

low self esteem and lack of confidence
feelings of inadequacy and guilt
negative thoughts
feeling that life is meaningless
feeling unable to cope
tearfulness and irritability
difficulty in sleeping or changes in sleeping patterns
low sex drive
anxiety, panic attacks, or heart palpitations
loss of appetite
difficulty concentrating or remembering things

These symptoms are not unique to baby blues or perinatal depression. They may indicate something quite different - and that is why discussing them with your medical practitioner or other health professionals is so important. The important thing to understand is that symptoms like these should not be ignored. The earlier you seek help, the more likely it is that things return to normal quite quickly.

For more information about me and how I may be able to help you. see http://www.angelalong.com.au

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Baby Blues

2010-03-15T02:09:00.000-07:00

Statistically about 300,000 women in Australia will give birth in the next 12 months. Of these, 80% - approximately 250,000 women - will suffer from the "Baby Blues". Of these, about 45,000 women will then go on to experience perinatal depression and need some form of medical treatment and possibly hospitalisation. These are staggering statistics.

No woman should ever feel embarrassed about experiencing "baby blues". As the figures show, the vast majority of women go through some form of this in the first few days and weeks after giving birth. The important thing is to recognise the symptoms, acknowledge the reality of your experience, and seek support - which is available in every State and Territory of Australia as well as from many private organisations such as The Tresillian Centre, The Gidget Foundation (http://www.gidgetfoundation.com.au/), and Mothers for Mothers (http://www.m-for-m.com.au/) as well as most Baby Centres.

Reasons why you might experience this include:

feeling anxious because your sleep is disturbed and/or if you are worried (money worries are a common problem)
feeling anxious about how your partner will react to baby and/or feeling anxious about your relationship with your partner
feeling a sense of loss that the woman you once knew has gone and you'd like her to come back
the demands of your home life and the extra responsibilities of caring for baby create a pressure that you have difficulty removing
a loss of social contacts and support including, perhaps, a feeling of isolation from support systems in your wider family such as your mother and sisters

Tears and widely fluctuating emotions are normal during this period. Don't be ashamed of them and don't hide them. Joining a mothers group at this stage can be wonderful. Other mothers know how you feel - most have been there themselves - and they will willingly give you support.

Your doctor and other medical professionals will also be able to help you. In addition, try to find time for yourself - time when you can just relax and refresh - as well as accepting every possible offer from your family and friends for help whether its for washing, ironing, folding clothes, cooking meals, cleaning or anything else. Most people who offer, genuinely want to help in some way and they are trying to show you that they care. Keep up your hobbies and interests as much as possible.

Remember, the great majority of women go through this and go on to be happy, successful mothers with wonderful babies. Only a relative few go on to need extended professional help.

For more information about me and how I may be able to help you, see http://www.angelalong.com.au/

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More on Bottle Feeding

2010-03-06T20:25:00.000-08:00

A common question I get about bottle feeding relates to having the milk at the right temperature for baby. I also get asked about babies and wind.

Always remember when bottle feeding to test on the inside of your wrist the temperature of the milk. It should be just warm - roughly at body temperature.

About half-way through the bottle, stop and wind baby. Without this there is a significant chance of reflux or of baby falling asleep. Once they have "burped" and are again awake, they are ready to finish their bottle. Also ensure you wind baby again when feeding is finished.

Check to see that baby has brought up all their wind. A clue to this is to check their upper lip. If the top half of the upper lip to the nose area is a greyish-blue then there is more "burping' to be done. Another sign of wind in very young babies is a smile around the mouth when they are asleep.

More information about me and how I may be able to help you at http://www.angelalong.com.au/

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Bottle Feeding Baby

2010-02-21T15:17:00.000-08:00

Some mothers bottle feed their babies from birth or soon after. There can be many reasons for this including medical or physical factors, employment demands, or simply a lifestyle choice. The reason doesn't really matter.

If a mother decides that this is what she wants to do then that is her choice. Bonding between mother and baby will still occur and it certainly says absolutely nothing about her as a mother. No woman should ever feel guilty because she isn't breastfeeding.

Bottle feeding raises some additional questions such as the use of expressed breast milk or formula - and, if formula, then which one? Your medical advisors are the best people to consult on this. They know you and your baby and they will be able to suggest the one that is best for baby.

All mothers who have bottle fed know that there are plus sides to bottle feeding. These include the ability to prepare feeds in advance and knowing exactly how much nourishment your baby is getting as well as allowing your partner and other family members to experience the bonding that comes from feeding baby.

More information about Angela Long and how I may be able to help you at http://www.angelalong.com.au/

Why isn't my baby sleeping at night?

2010-02-15T18:35:00.000-08:00

Many mothers get anxious and stressed if their newborn is not settling in the evening, is waking up earlier than usual, and/or is crying on and off. Not only doesn't baby get the sleep he or she needs - you and your partner don't get much sleep either!

One common cause of this is that baby is hungry.

Quite often I find that, by the end of the day, mum's milk supply isn't enough to satisfy baby. There can be a number of reasons for this, but the one I most frequently encounter is that mum hasn't been drinking enough water both during and between feeds.

Always have a large glass of water to hand when you are feeding - and drink it both during the feed and when baby has finished. Drink plenty of water again in the interval between feeds - this will help ensure you have a good supply of milk for baby at the next feed.

Another tip is to eat plenty of healthy, nutritious food - small frequent snacks are recommended.

And as for sleep? Well, a good idea is for you to try and get some rest when baby does. It can be difficult if you have other children to care for and, yes, there are other things that need doing: but, when you can and as often as you can, grab a bit of sleep at the same time as baby.

More information about Angela Long and how I may be able to help you at http://www.angelalong.com.au/

Baby Knows Best

2010-02-08T19:48:00.000-08:00

You're used to being in control.

Whether at work, socially, or at home you are used to having a significant say in what you do and when you do it. Coming home with a new baby, things aren't going to be all that different. ......

Or are they!

No matter what you may have heard from family members and your friends: no matter what you have read in magazines and books: no matter what "the experts" may have told you, the reality is different.

Babies have a mind of their own and they know when they are hungry, tired and/or uncomfortable. And they'll let you know. Big time!

You have your own routine (or you did!) and you'd like to stick to it.

Fine in theory but, just when you're in the middle of doing something important there is this urgent little cry. Now routine must wait. Your program becomes secondary to the needs of this helpless, new little person who is totally dependant upon you for everything.

You and baby need to work together to develop a routine that suits both of you. And that will take a few weeks.

A little planning can help.

When you get the chance, prepare meals beforehand and freeze them; do 'housework' in small batches, say 1 room at a time. Don't get fussed if things aren't being done in as orderly a fashion as you might like.

Allow plenty of "me-time" for rest and renewal -try to catnap when you can because your normal sleep is going to be disrupted for quite a few weeks. Drink plenty of water and get as much exercise as you can so that you remain as fit as possible and your milk is not in danger of drying up.

And find time for friends. Having your spouse and family around to talk with is great - but you need a wide circle of friends for "girl talk" and "baby chats". The bigger your support group the better.

And have fun. Enjoy your baby. Right now he or she (or they) are probably the most important thing in your life - and that's the way it should be.

More information about me and how I might be able to help you at http://www.angelalong.com.au/

Settling In

2010-02-01T12:44:00.000-08:00

It takes time to settle in at home with your newborn. There are just so many demands from every quarter such as housework and maybe other young children. Then there's the shopping, perhaps dropping older children off at school or playgroup, and, for some, there's activities after school - music lessons, sport's practice etc. Its really busy - and we haven't got to your partner yet! No matter how supportive your partner may be, you can't afford neglect in this area.

The pressures build up - because, through all of this, the new young person (or people) in your life is making his or her demands. Sometimes the pressures can get to you - especially when you're going through the hormonal changes that always occur after birth. Its easy to wonder if its really all worth it! And you can feel so alone.

The important thing is to get support. You are not alone. Almost every new Mum goes through the same sorts of feelings. Almost every new Mum faces the same sorts of pressures and demands. So meet with them and share: get and give support.

In most areas of Australia there are local Mothers' Groups, Play Groups, or Nursing Mothers' Groups. If you don't know how to get in touch with these, your local Baby Centre or your Doctor will know where these are and how to contact them. In some areas they are also listed in the Yellow Pages or the local newspapers. Get involved with these because it gives you a safe forum where you can talk with other mothers about any issues or concerns you may have.

Of course, I may be able to help you, too. More information about me and how I may be able to help you at http://www.angelalong.com.au/

Life with a newborn has its funny little ups and downs

2010-01-24T19:39:00.000-08:00

Having a baby can be a roller coaster of emotions - especially when you first arrive home.

Most mothers find the "getting back home" an exciting (but anxious) time. Suddenly you're on your own.

For the first hours or days after giving birth (however long it is before you go home) you have support systems in place. You know that if something goes wrong or something unexpected occurs, professionals are there to help you and your baby. There is a degree of security and comfort in knowing you are not on your own. But suddenly all this is gone!

For some mothers this isn't a problem. They feel confident - and that is one of the best possible feelings for any new Mum.

The good news is that, if you let them, your maternal instincts will take over. The vast majority of women find that when they let nature take its course, the very nurturing instincts that make us mothers take over.

So don't be scared. Be natural. When baby wakes up, meet his or her needs out of instinct - you know she or he (or "they"!) needs a feed, a change, "winding", and lots of hugs and cuddles. As the ad says: "Just do it".

Have fun. Motherhood is enjoyable - especially with a newborn!

More information about Angela Long and how I may be able to help you at http://www.angelalong.com.au/

I just don't know how to cope!

2010-01-18T17:57:00.000-08:00

How often have I heard those words!

Almost every mother with whom I have had contact (including myself) has had moments when things seem to get on top of you. You know the sorts of things that provide the trigger - you're trying to enjoy looking after baby but other things intrude - the washing machine breaks down, the older children want more attention, your partner's flat out with work and can't give the support you need, there's some issue in your wider family, and so on. They all add up and then comes breaking point - usually something very insignificant - but it tips you over the edge. Frustration, tears, anger, feelings of inadequacy - they all come out.

Most mums get over this pretty quickly. The tears bring relief and a supportive partner, friend, or extended family member helps. But for others its the start (or continuation) of a downward spiral. Baby blues are imminent and, in some cases, post natal depression is on the way. Its easy to feel alone and helpless.

This is what lay behind a discussion I had last year with a friend, Carolyn Jackson. We decided to start Mothers 4 Mothers - a support service provided by experienced mums to new mums (http://www.m-for-m.com.au/) to help new mothers gain confidence and competence in those first few, crucial weeks or months.

We have been astounded by the response. Mothers from all over Australia and New Zealand have contacted us offering to help - most of them lamenting the fact that the service wasn't available when they were new Mums.

My point is this. Don't give up. There is help available. Being "in the dumps" isn't the end of everything. You can do it! And there's help available from lots of people who understand how you feel and who know how to help you.

More information about Angela Long and how I may be able to help you at http://www.angelalong.com.au/

First Time Mum

2010-01-15T01:48:00.000-08:00

You're a mum for the first time! Congratulations!

What an experience holding your newborn in your arms for the first time! Something that will stay in your memory forever.

I have been through this experience 3 times. Each time my pregnancy and labour was different but the reward at the end was amazing!

Seeing and holding these beautiful babies and feeling the bond you have with them is incredible: love has come into the world. I felt so proud the day I arrived home with my first baby: my son.

I never felt daunted at the task of looking after my newborn because my background as a mothercraft nurse gave me the experience and confidence to look after them. I didn't have to read books about looking after newborns as I already had this knowledge from my training and work at a maternity hospital in Melbourne.

Others of you may not be so lucky. But at least there is a lot of help available if you want it.

Further information about Angela Long and how I may be able to help you at http://www.angelalong.com.au/